TLC, Meet Your New Head of Programming
On Sunday, I had the pleasure of hitting a surprise birthday brunch and was seated at the end of the table with a hilarious couple. We mirrored one another’s humor and hangovers. While we were trying to slide our faces on front-wise through the application of copious mimosas, two attractive women next to us engaged in a gravely serious conversation about sharks, as in:
Lady A says, “I love sharks.”
Lady B: “Oh, do you?”
A: “Yes, I love them.”
B: “Do you like Shark Week?”
A: “No, not at all, not at all. I find it degrading. Shark Week demonizes a beautiful animal unnecessarily for entertainment purposes.”
I overhear this and whisper to the couple, “These women are talking about sharks.”
The guy sort of squints at me and says, “What? ….”
“They’re talking about sharks.”
“… what?… oh… Huh, really?”
“Yeah, like really seriously, super earnestly.”
Then he looks at his girlfriend who shrugs, then back at me and widens his eyes with clarity. Finally, he says, “Ohhhhh, SHARKS!”
“Yeah, that’s what I said.”
“God, I thought you said they were seriously discussing SHARTS.”
I burst out laughing and said, “You somehow managed to find a completely different topic that is a BILLION times more hilarious than seriously discussing sharks. God, how I wish they were talking about sharts.”
So, this got me thinking: what if there were a Shart Week on TLC? The programming would be brilliant:
— Extreme Sharting
— I Didn’t Know I Was Sharting
— Shart Boss
— Shitney
— Wipe Out
