Usually I shy away from girl-on-girl crime because when the in-fighting begins your enemy can relax. But this Zooey Deschanel business is too much. New York Magazine describes her as a “paragon of femininity” and “hella adorable.” And her character on her new show watches Dirty Dancing while crying uncontrollably? Who does this endear?
No doubt, she’s extraordinary looking with those enormous blue eyes, dark cascading curls and perfect body, but that there is NO edge to her whatsoever gives me side-eye. Her mannered twee act scans for me as a deliberate shunning of adulthood and pain and experience. She seems like the sort of person who would plug her ears with her fingers when you began talking about your grief over your dog that was run over a car because she “can’t hear awful stories… they’re just TOO sad for me. Let’s keep the world a happy place.”
Many people can write me off as jealous of her beauty, which, sure OK, she’s hot and I’m bothered by it. Nope. What annoys me is that men are turned on by her body AND her deliberate naif act. She’s a sex object who actually gives guys boners because she acts like a girl-child.
What would it be like to have sex with such a creature?
“Mmm, mmm, this is nice…. oh wow, what’s this? Gosh <widening her eyes> I didn’t know it could get so hard! And big!… How will it ever fit inside of me?”
Ok, obviously, this is exactly how this fantasy plays out, right boys? I see it. Answered my own question.
ps. The “Hello Sailor” pick up line does actually work, btw.
