Ok, ladies, please. Every vagina is perfect in its own way, like individual snowflakes. Now that we’ve gotten this disclosure out of the way, let’s make fun of everything involved here.
One woman said she “experienced recurring dreams where she would imagine her labia as a scarf that would wrap itself around her neck. ‘There would be people standing around laughing and pointing.’”
There is a little illustration depicting her fear, which is extremely disappointing mainly because the scarf is a regular scarf just pink. It certainly doesn’t originate from anywhere near her crotch. She could have bought it on sale from Century 21. And the other people in the picture are neither laughing NOR pointing. Just sort of looking? Like maybe they’re admiring her new labial pink scarf.
Honestly, I’m constantly losing my scarves so this seems like a perfectly sound and convenient solution. In my experience, labia are warm, soft and inviting and you’d just tuck them away once you’re safely indoors. This is on par with those sets of mittens you had as a kid with the long string attaching them together that you’d loop through the arms of your winter coat. Moms know best - it was impossible to lose those fuckers.
The laughing and the pointing seem like mild concerns in the face that your crotch sounds as though it may potentially strangle you.
Another insight here is that women are seeking out these “designer vaginas” (as though all of our regular ones are just knock-offs you could buy on Canal street) due to the trend of “extreme public grooming.” Now, that sounds like a reality sports show I would actually hate-watch. It also describes a normal episode The Only Way Is Essex. (Seriously, I’ve never seen so much vajazzled pussy in my life and I watch porn on the reg.)
“And now for another episode of EXTREME PUBIC GROOMING. Ladies, get your vibrating razors out and warm up the wax, it’s cutting time!”
Joe Rogan is already submitting his audition tape to host.
Maybe it should be an exhibition sport at the next summer Olympics. It only seems appropriate given that the Games are being held in Rio.
Again, ladies! If you’re only going to remember one thing — do not cut up your vadge! Men are not slicing up their dicks for you. They expect you to love it au naturale. Let’s stop creating Franken-flange and respect our regular pleasure center.